Hey… it’s been a while, huh?
It’s been around twelve years since the last Pretty Jeff comic was posted, which was about me being disappointed with the 2013 movie “Man of Steel”. Was the movie so bad that it killed off my semi-journal comic?
No, not really. I had been slowing down on making Pretty Jeff comics since there wasn’t much going on in my life at that point. There’s only so many “and then I went to work and ate dinner” comics that you can make before it gets repetitive. Sure, Pretty Jeff took a lot of liberties with reality, but it was still loosely based on events in my life.
That’s the major drawback of journal comics – you only have so many life experiences to draw from. And out of those experiences, there will be aspects of yourself that you don’t want to share with everyone.
Still, I am sorry for stopping Pretty Jeff with no conclusion. Those of you that have supported this comic deserved better. To anyone who was a fan of Pretty Jeff, I just want to say thank you. Whether you bought my minicomics, left a nice comment, or even just took time out of your day to read my comics, your support meant a lot to me.
If I seemed unappreciative of your support, it was because I struggled to understand why anyone enjoyed my comics or liked me as a person. On bad days, I still don’t really get why anyone likes me or thinks I’m talented, but I am starting to understand.
I doubt that I’ll ever return to making Pretty Jeff comics. I had thought about making a long comic to provide a recap on what has happened since 2013, but that never materialized. Perhaps it’s for the best – Pretty Jeff was a chapter in my life that’s now closed as I’ve moved on to other projects.
Helper Bot is one of those projects.
If you’re not familiar, Helper Bot is about an unwaveringly optimistic little robot who assists people in the diverse metropolis of Robot City. Sadly, I burned myself out after only four issues of the comic, and since then, I haven’t made any other comics.
2016 was one of the worst years of my life (not for the reasons you think), and in some ways, I’ve never recovered. I had given up on ever “making it” as a professional comic artist. Sometimes I wonder if I just never had a chance in the first place, that I didn’t have what it takes, and I never will. Regardless, I’ve hardly touched Helper Bot. I had set up a new website, did some character redesigns, and planned to return, but honestly, I’m not sure if can write a character as optimistic as Helper Bot anymore.
I could get someone else to write Helper Bot – Fred had written a script for the fifth issue, and I had begun drawing it. But the comic wasn’t completed because of this ticket booth jerk in the second panel:
This guy broke me. This guy is the culmination of my perfectionist tendencies and my inability to accept “good enough.” I had spent so long drawing a throwaway character in one small, inconsequential panel because I thought that I had to make everything perfect. Meanwhile, a goofy, low effort drawing on Tumblr gets thousands of likes.
My stupid brain just could not compute the notion of “it doesn’t have to be perfect”. If someone else had the same problem, I would tell them “It doesn’t have to be perfect”, but I would never follow my own advice. I would think “well yeah, but this is me we’re talking about – I’m awful and worthless, so I don’t deserve kindness.”
I am in a much better place mentally, though. I have good days and bad days, but thankfully the good days outnumber the bad. I am still creating artwork and writing, even if I don’t post it online.
I just hate social media. Specifically, I hate engaging with social media as a creator. I hate engagement metrics that make me feel like my work is inadequate. I hate spending hours on a single drawing and only getting 3 “likes” before it gets lost in the avalanche of the content feed. I hate the idea of trying to keep up with an algorithm that pushes people to create free artwork for big corporations to use as “content” for their websites, and then those same corporations pump all that artwork into an AI image generator to reap more profits. I hate how social media enforces ridiculous content restrictions to appease advertisers, resulting in absurd ad-friendly terms like “unalive” in YouTube videos that are far tamer than anything on TV. I hate how social media is moderated by bots that can ban your account with no warning, and when you dispute the ban, you have to appeal to those same bots.
If I post anything on social media, it’s either because I want to support someone with fanart, or I want to share something I’ve created with other people. For most artists and creators, social media is a necessity. I’ve managed to find some amazing creators through the social media algorithms, but is it too much to ask for things to improve? It is so easy for creators to burn out because you have to keep posting to stay relevant.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone for scorning social media. I wish I could find the same enjoyment posting on social media that others feel. It’s like having a conversation with a group of people – I don’t have much of an issue responding to what someone is saying. But if the attention of the group shifts to me, I feel anxious.
Webcomics have changed so much since I last updated Pretty Jeff. Back then, aspiring creators were encouraged to create their own websites and run their own ads. Nowadays, a lot of websites are just a list of links to other social media sites, and webcomic creators are posting on platforms like Webtoon and Tapas using a vertical format better suited for mobile devices. These changes have their own benefits and drawbacks, but honestly, it’s tough for me to keep up with everything.
I make art because I enjoy creating things. Meanwhile, I work hard at my day job primarily as a means of survival. I want to do a good job, yes, but like anyone else, I would rather do something other than managing Excel sheets or attending meetings. That survival mentality is not fun, and when I feel pressured to make art to keep up with an algorithm, that just takes away all the fun of creating art.
I envy the people who can create art for a living (or create music, videos, whatever, I just refuse to call it “content”). One of the things that keeps me going at my day job is that it gives me the ability to financially support other creators.
Working a day job has made it easier for me to enjoy other hobbies. I’ve been playing a lot of Dungeons & Dragons lately. I had played a little bit of 3.5 back in college. Then one of my friends invited me to their 5e campaign, and I’ve been playing ever since. We didn’t live in the same town, so we would play online using Discord and Roll20. I’ve been enjoying 5e so much that I’ve even tried my hand at being a DM, and writing my own games.
Fun fact: I have never watched Critical Roll or Dimension 20. I know a lot of people were introduced to D&D through these shows, but I’m sorry to say that I’m not one of them. I don’t have anything against these shows – it’s just that, like many shows and movies, I haven’t gotten around to watching them.
Anyway, the reason I’m making this post is because I was motivated by a similar update from Rennie Kingsley on her webcomic, The Weave. Rennie had the courage to come back after a three-year hiatus to give a life update and explain why The Weave wouldn’t be finished. I share her feelings of shame and embarrassment – so many people believed in me, and I felt like I let everyone down. But seeing comments showing support and understanding made me realize that I don’t need to hide in shame.
Right now, I’m just focusing on drawing things that I enjoy and trying not to think about metrics or profits or hustling. I don’t want to build my brand or grow on social media. I’ve spent too long seeking validation from others instead of seeing value in myself.
In a way, Pretty Jeff will continue in a different form. I don’t want to give anyone false hope that I’ll go back to making journal comics, but I’d like to use this little corner of the Internet to make posts like this one, and to share some of the stuff I’ve been drawing. I’ve been working on adding my older work to the site so at least some of it exists online.
I don’t know how often I’ll post either. Even this blog post took months to make. I would write some of it, let it rest for a while, come back to it, add some stuff, delete some stuff, repeat.
Even though I don’t like social media, I’m fine with posting my stuff there. Tumblr will be linked to this blog. I have a Twitter that you should not follow. Seriously, don’t follow my Twitter, no I’m not calling it X, I’m just using Twitter to follow some artists and creators that I like. Any art I post on Twitter will be added here as well. Here are some other socials I plan on using (or have used):
Thank you for reading. I’ll try not to disappear for several years again.
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